Being a man, I've never quite figured out why
the sexual urge of men and women differ so
much. And I never have figured out the whole
Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured
out why men think with their head and women
with their heart. I have never figured out why
the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a
state of turmoil when it hears the words "I
do."
One evening last week, my wife and I were
getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to
heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel
like
it, I just want you to hold me."
I said "WHAT ?!!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every husband on
the planet dreads to hear "You're just not in
touch with my emotional needs as a woman
enough for me to satisfy your physical needs
as a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying,
"Can't you just love me for who I am and not
what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen
that night I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off
of work to spend time with her. We went out
to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a
big, big
unnamed department store.
I walked around with her while she tried on
several different very expensive outfits. She
couldn't decide which one to take so I told her
we'll just buy them all.
She wanted new shoes to compliment her
new clothes, so I said let's get a pair for each
outfit.
We went on to the jewelry department where
she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.
Let me tell you ... she was so excited. She
must have thought I was one wave short of a
shipwreck!
I started to think she was testing me because
she asked for a tennis bracelet when she
doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said,
"That's fine, honey."
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction
from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation she finally
said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the
cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted
out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her
jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT !!!"
I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to
HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in
touch with my financial needs as a man
enough
for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a
woman."
And just when she had this look like she was
going to kill me I added, "Why can't you just
love me for who I am and not for the things I
buy
you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either ...
